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First off, Iron Beer. You should really think about making your beer as soon as possible. Taking into consideration +-2 week fermentation, any secondary fermentation/hopping and whether you decide to bottle or not, now seems like as good a time as any to start. Two people I have spoke with will be bringing 6 22oz. bottles for judging along with the remainder in the keg for power drinking throughout the day. I can only assume they’re going to bottle with beer gun or counter-pressure filler. The jockey box has been taken care of, though I neglected to ask how many taps were on it. In any case, there’s 3 of us solid right now. Mike, Jim, myself. Mike and Jim brewed last weekend. I’m brewing Saturday. Anyone else want to pencil in for certain?

My barley wine experiment has officially reached “out of control” status. I checked gravity and it made it around 9.5%, give or take. That was before I put in 4 ounces of bourbon soaked oak chips and 2 heaping tablespoons of the stinkiest, smokiest and strongest lapsang souchong tea. There already is a gallon of the tea that was added prior to fermentation, though it was straight black tea and not the lapsang. Fished out a couple sips over the weekend and sweet mother of jesus… delicious. It’s unique and pretty strong tasting. Which is fine since I wasn’t making a session ale here. So, now it sits on oak chips awaiting the last ingredient, which are some specialty hops that I have on special order. Then the frankenbeer will be complete. In fact, it should be ready for sampling at Iron Beer. I’m torn on names for it. I’ve tossed around “Skull Fucker”, “Ridiculous” and “Bongwater”. I guess taste of the finished product will determine that.

Hey. We’re doing an “Iron Chef” type thing, but with beer, for June 28th. The idea we came up with was to occasionally all set a date to brew either the same style of beer or use the same adjunct in a brew. Our inaugural recipes will all contain green tea. Yep, green tea in beer. No limit on style. Obviously, some styles will work better than others. I already have my recipe put together and am brewing the weekend of May 17th. On June 28th we convene at the compound and will have the rest of the folks blind sample our wares and ultimately decide which one they prefer. Should be a good time. There’s 4 of us now. I have 2 taps and I imagine we can get a jockey box somewhere if we need more. If you want in, contact me. If you don’t know how to contact me, don’t bother.

Been watching the news? Seems the most important part of choosing someone to head the democratic party is what their fucking preacher says. This is how stupid all of you have become. Have I lost faith in humanity? Oh, absolutely. I don’t give a fuck who runs this country and I don’t care what happens to it. In fact, I welcome the end of times. Clean the slate and maybe the next species that evolves won’t be as dumb as you motherfuckers. In fact, it would be impossible for the next species to reach the zenith of idiocy I am forced to endure on a daily basis by the simpletons that surround me. Fuck y’all!

This post brought to you with with the Cuss O Meter in mind. I really don’t think you’re all stupid. Well, maybe some of you. OK… MOST of you. But not all of you. In other words, eat shit.

It’s all coming to a boiling point and is about to spill over into the streets. Gas is $4.00+ a gallon, the cost of eating is going through the roof and nobody is doing a god damned thing about it except for sitting on their asses complaining (myself included, of course). A few weeks ago the truckers tried to strike, but that went nowhere fast. American Airlines grounded half their fleet and stranded a quarter of a million people to prove their point (do you really believe that was for inspections?). Yet nothing changes. Nothing will change until we collectively get off our asses, go into the streets and start rioting. The peaceful protests never work. We can take the message right to the doorstep of this nation and make a difference but we won’t. We’re too fucking lazy. It’s easier to just roll over and take the dry fist than it is to put forth effort to improve your life.

Stock up on rice. That shit’s gonna be white gold here in a few months. Costco is already trying to limit how much you can buy due to excessive hoarding. While you’re at it, stock up on drinking water, batteries, propane, lighters and, most importantly, bullets. You’re going to need them. I know I’m all set. Just patiently waiting for it to all implode on itself.

And I couldn’t be happier with the way this is turning out. The fall of the Roman Empire, Part II. Clean the slate and let’s hope the next evolution of species is a little fucking smarter. They certainly can’t get any dumber.

Fkna. There’s some kick ass concerts going on this summer. Here’s a quick rundown:

• Iron Maiden w/Anthrax - May 30th and 31st at the amphitheater up in Irvine Meadows, CA. We’re going to the show on the 31st. What makes this exciting is that they’re calling it the Somewhere Back In Time tour where they’re only playing songs up to the Somewhere In Time album and nothing beyond that. Which is good because I didn’t like anything beyond that. Anthrax, well, another new signer, so who knows.
• Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Testament - OK, so it’s not the real Sabbath. It’s the Dio Sabbath. Fine. I can deal with it (”Live Evil” was one of the first records I ever saved up and bought, so there’s some sentimental value to Dio Sabbath). Priest and Motorhead? FUCK YES! Testicles, I could care less about. I saw them open for Slayer years ago and they were mediocre, at best. Never really got into them. This show in in San Bernardino on August 30th, at that pavilion they have up there. Another long drive, but worth it. I figure this is the last time I’ll spend money to see any of these bands, so it has to be done.
• Butthole Surfers - On my birthday, June 27th. Normally this would be a cause for celebration except this show in in Philadelphia and there’s no realistic way I’ll get out to it. There’s a bit of confusion as to who and who won’t be performing with them, but it’s part of a weekend long festival with the School Of Rock. Devo’s playing the same venue on Saturday. I’d shit my pants if I could somehow get out there to this, but with the airlines putting the fucking screws to their customers, my day job and the fact that I’ll be in New York for 5 days a mere 2 weeks later, I’m just accepting my fate on this one. I’ll give the ole lotto a college try, but my hopes aren’t gonna be up.

That’s it for now. I’m pretty glad summer’s on the way because not only is the weather better, but so are the concerts. Time to start picking up some consulting gigs so I can swing all this and the return trip to Amsterdam/Belgium this winter. Yeah, we’re doing that crazy shit again.

So, I’m brewing again. After my gout-induced retirement last year, I’ve finally got fed up with the price increase in craft brews and decided to just start making my own surplus again. See, grains and hops are predicted to fall into shortage starting tomorrow and the breweries have jacked up their prices in anticipation of the pending shortage. I’ll complain that the price hikes seem steep, but I realize it’s good business and if I had to hedge my whole future around hops, then I’d take preemptive measures as well. But that’s neither her nor there. Beer, like gas and cookies, have gone up in price. You deal with it or quit drinking it, or, make your own.

I’ve got a barleywine in second stage fermentation right now. I forgot the OG right off hand, but it was huge. 12 pounds of malt syrup along with a couple pounds of crystal 80 carastan. Pretty standard barleywine recipe there. I did, however, flex a little creativity and mixed in a gallon of fresh brewed lapsang souchong smoked black tea. I wanted to use it to impart a little smoke flavor. My hop bill included simcoe, amarillo, northern and cascade. I just added more yeast (champagne yeast) and it’s taking it’s sweet time to kick off, even from a starter. Nonetheless, I am patient. It’ll go sooner or later. It has to because I have some solid plans for the dry hopping.

For the dry hop, I am adding more simcoe (this is going to be a tasty hop bomb indeed), some more black tea (smoked!), some oak chips soaked in bourbon (poor man’s barrel aging) and some hemp. Yes, that hemp. Why? I don’t know. It’ll either make or break the beer. I’ve read two very separate opinions on this which range from “Yes, it works and here’s how I made it.” to “No, it’s chemically and physically impossible to do and will ruin everything.” But, you know, I gotta try. Worst case scenario is some funky tasting beer that clocks in around 12% on the Shit Face scale. Not sure what the best case scenario would yield, but it would be nice to investigate.

Remember my Brown Sabbath that I brewed last year? It was a pure brett Bruxellis ale that I aged for about a year and a half in the bucket. Yeah, it oxidized, took on some funky farmhouse flavors but tasted delicious. Super sour, musky, hot. I bottled it with some more yeast, but the yeast is taking off slowly, so I’m calling it Flat Sabbath for the time being.

So, there you go. Beer update. You must be stoked.